. . .

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 00:25:42 GMT

"Now you will receive us. We do not ask for your poor, or your hungry. We do not want your tired and sick. It is your corrupt we claim. It is your evil that will be sought by us. With every breath, we shall hunt them down. Each day we will spill their blood, 'til it rains down from the skies. Do not kill. Do not rape. Do not steal. These are principles which every man of faith can embrace. These are not polite suggestions, these are codes of behavior, and those of you that ignore them will pay the dearest cost. There are varying degrees of evil. We urge you lesser forms of filth, not to push the bounds and cross over, into true corruption, into our domain. For if you do, one day you will look behind you and you will see we three, and on that day you will reap it. And we will send you to whatever God you wish."
- Boondock Saints

Growing up, I was taught to believe that when you do something unsatisfactory, you deal with the reprocussions accordingly. Judging from the quote above, twin brothers, Connor and Murphy MacManus, of the movie Boondock Saints, were told that actions should have compatible reactions aswell. In entertainment, as in life, it is auspicious that wrongdoers are tried for their unfavorable actions and sentenced justly. With that being said, I would like to point out that I am a firm believer in the death penalty, and I believe that it should be enstated in every prison around the country.

Personally, I believe that it is morally unfair to give a murderer freedoms that the rest of the world is entitled to. Consider this hypothetically, my fellow Americans, you are an average woman that has just endured a very difficult pregnancy and given birth to a beautiful, completely healthy, baby girl. Suddenly, a deranged man, high on drugs, comes running into the hospital viciously attacking everything in sight, then he glances quickly at your brand new daughter, tears her from your maternally loving arms and ferociously rips her from limb to limb! Are you telling me, America, that you do not think this man should die? Ethically I think it is appropriate for this man to be put to death for his horrifying actions. I urge you to think about your new born baby, crushed like leaves beneath his feet, before you vote against the death penalty.

More than half of the country already has the death penalty in effect, and I feel that the rest of the country should follow suit. Logically, "a life for a life" seems vicious; but it is equal and fair. I feel that in order to balance a murderer's debt to society you must take his life. This hypothetical crazed man, as malicious as a wolf, took your child from you, your own flesh and blood. Don't you think that this man should pay the ultimate price? The ultimate price, fellow citizens, is life.

I leave you with this: our forefathers said all men have certain inalienable rights; life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, but I believe that any person willing to take those rights from another should have the aforementioned rights taken from them as well.

Tue, 15 Feb 2005 16:35:48 GMT

Ask me to smile. I will. I've been hurt more times than most people know. I am something more.

I'm the love of your life if you'd only say hi.
I'm the regret you'll have the moment I walk away (and every second after).
I'm your thoughts of what could have been, but never was.
I'm late nights on the phone when you confess everything about a girl I never knew.
I'm a song you once never liked, but now every line repeats in your head.
I'm mismatched socks and uncombed hair.
I'm flip flops and jeans and pearl earrings.
I'm acting like I never cared.
I'm broken bottles in the middle of the road.
I'm selfish, and I'm kind.
I'm a smile you wish you saw everyday.
I'm hope you never had.
I'm faith you wish you knew.
I'm blood on your nuckles and bruises around your eyes.
I'm hands on a clock you promised yourself not to watch.
I'm short hair in the summer and wet paint on a wall.
I'm bad words you shouldn't say.
I'm dirt in your eyes and smoke in your lungs.
I'm the hair in your eyes.
I'm sights you're prepared to see.
I'm the last good song about a girl.
I'm bare feet dragging through the shoreline's sand once a year.
I'm flowers in a field and memories forgotten.
I'm eyeliner and bobby pins.
I'm a cold shower in the morning because you stayed up too late the night before.
I'm clever lines you never said.
I'm good advice you never took.
I'm an afternoon nap.
I'm running in the rain.
I'm morals and values you could never uphold.
I'm something you had, but didn't want.
I'm infomercials at 3 AM and stupid game shows.
I'm a little break.
I'm places you'll never go.
I'm people you'll never meet.
I'm eye contact you'll never make.
I'm your smoky breath on a cool night.
I'm the impossible accomplished.
I'm the change in your pocket.
I'm shampoo in your eye and cold tile floors.
I'm the beauty in everything you see everday.
I'm a found ten dollar bill in last winter's jacket.
I'm joy you try to hold.
I'm honesty and integrity.
I'm the best lie you've ever heard.

I BET IF YOU LOOKED AT A PICTURE OF ME, YOU WOULD HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHO I AM

Wed, 02 Feb 2005 02:58:41 GMT

kev cut his hair.
WTFUCK!

Fri, 14 Jan 2005 03:51:59 GMT

leave me an ANONYMOUS comment with:
an insult ;
a secret ;
a criticism ;
a crush ;
a compliment ;
a death threat ;
a love note ;
a song ;
a picture ;
anything else you want.

Post Anonymously.

i don't care who you are, if you read my journal or not. i'm curious.

Wed, 05 Jan 2005 12:04:24 GMT

In the year 2005 I resolve to:

Getting knocked up...twice.

Get your resolution here

Tue, 04 Jan 2005 03:26:01 GMT

i just had two fucking cups of coffee, and i'm fucking wired.

this is not good, not good at all.

school's going to kick my ass tomorrow.

FUCK YOU, FEEHAN!

happy new year

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 22:52:57 GMT

wow, it's the end of two thousand four. does that seem highly unbelievable to anyone else? i'm recapping my year, because i love to read about other people's year on their blogs.

january came in with a bang, with an old love beginning to rekindle, i was happy. things were going well for me, and despite being in a very depressive state 90% of the time, i was making many new friends at school. i was lead in the school play, and it went so well. everyone knew me. my parents were proud of me, and i was beginning to hate my teachers much less than before. i hung out with die, amanda, katelynn, and the giorgio boys during most of my free time. february was short and sweet. steve and i got back together after a much hated haitus. during february break, the family went to spend a week in south carolina, it was warm and beautiful. there was alot of shopping, which kept die and i occupied most of the time. most of february was spent with steve, kayla, and john (who'd begun seeing eachother). johnston high did Guys and Dolls, i remember seeing that, and loving it. my friends were so good in it. i honestly do not remember what went down in march, except for the fact that the youth group when to monadnock for the weekend. we all had a great time, and i think most of us bonded. april was awesome. kayla had a huge party for her birthday, at a hotel, and it was the shit. over spring break, the family went down to florida for the week. die's two best friends (and their families) were down there at the same time, so we partied with them most of the time. i got an awesome tan, but i missed my boyfriend so much. may had nothing exceptional to do with it. in fact, i honestly don't remember it at all. june was an awesome month, maybe one of my favorites. the only bad thing about it was steve and i separated, things just weren't going very well. a bunch of us did the relay for life. ricky graduated. the social came and went, and it was awesome. we had a big afterparty at my house. by the end of the month school was done with, and i was out of middle school; on my way to bishop feehan. at the end of june and beginning of july my whole extended family spent ten days in the middle of nowhere. it was fun, and a much needed get away from the rest of the world. i spent the fourth of july weekend with kate down the cape, and the rest of the day with dave, ali, milz, kev, and martin. i did lots of stupid things in july, and partied a little too hardy. but it was a good time all together. i made the most of august. at the very start of the month, our family, the illsley family, and my cousins from up north, went to the inside outside soul fest at loon mt, new hampshire. it was about four days long, and an awesome time. we bonded like crazy, and i finally got katelynn to mosh with me in the pillar pit. i got in tons of trouble during august. i was grounded for half the month, and then when i was finally alright with my parents, i messed up again, and got my ass grounded for two months. that was a month of regretable actions. september brought highschool. turns out, feehan was not what i thought it would be. brittany and i became so much closer with feehan; we both hated it, and wanted out. by the end of september i was finally ungrounded, and had a new love interest; kev. october was interesting to say the least. the relationship between kev and i ended, but we still remained real close friends. the only people i hung out with were, britt, kev, dave, and kendra. they were my life, everyone else was just there. by my birthday, i'd met a new boy, jared. he went to my school, and he was a sweetheart. jared, toni, and i went to the nintendo fusion tour, which (indirectly) lead to the demise of the friendship between toni and i. i spent my birthday with my bestfriends, and loved every second of it. november brought somewhat of a heartache for three reasons, steve had a new girlfriend, and not much time for me anymore. we hung out all the time, but just as friends, and it just wasn't the same. although things were differnt, it must've been a good thing, because everything turned out just fine. my heart broke for the second time that month when dave moved to georgia. brittany also transferred out of feehan, and left me stranded all alone. my whole world was shattering around me, and there was nothing i could do. december went by extremely quickly. filled with parties and getting ready for everything christmas associated. my grades dwindled, and my parents pushed me to do better, to no avail. dave came and stayed a week with us, it was sheer happiness. he came to feehan with me one day, and met all my friends, everyone loved him. it made me so happy. kendra's birthday was christmas eve. christmas was happy, based on family, not gifts. that was the most rewarding thing to me.

now that the year's finally over, looking back on all the things that i've done, been through, and accomplished, i'm happy and greatful for my life. happy new year.

"i found a map to buried treasure,
and even if we come home empty handed
well still have our stories;
of battle scars, pirate ships and wounded hearts,
broken bones, and all the best of friendships.
and when this hourglass,
has filtered out,
its final grain of sand,
i raise my glass to the memories we had..."

Mon, 27 Dec 2004 02:18:53 GMT

"tell her you think that she's cool. tell her why you think she's so cool. smell her. talk to her in movie theatres. pick her up and pretend you're going to throw her in the river, she'll scream and fight you but secretly, she'll love it. hold her hand and skip. hold her hand and run. just hold her hand. pick her flowers out of other people's gardens and give them to her. tell her she looks beautiful. let her pay for stuff if she wants to. introduce her to your friends as 'the coolest girl i know' ((or something like that 'my girl'..)). sit in the park and talk to her. take her to the library and playgrounds and train stations. tell her dirty jokes. tell her stupid jokes. talk about politics. write poems about her. just walk around with her. throw pebbles at her window at night, when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. take her to shows of bands she's never heard. hold her hand in the mosh pit. let her fall asleep in your arms. call her. call her back if she calls you. sing to her, no matter how bad you are. carve your names into a tree. get her mad, then kiss her. give her piggy-back rides go see her band play even if they really suck. and tell her that they were great. give her space if she needs it. push her on swings. stay up with her all night when she's sick. make up pet names for her, but cool ones, not sappy ones. teach her guitar. lend her your cds. write on her. make her mixtapes. write her letters. if she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even it it means a 5 hours train trip. take her to cool shops and let her take you to even cooler ones. listen to all the bands she mentions. dont tell her that her favorite bands suck. when shes sad hang out with her or stay on the phone even if shes not saying anything. buy her ice cream. when you find out that she used to be a teenybopper dont bag her about it. let her take all the photos of you she wants. look into her eyes. slow dance with her, even if the music is fast. kiss her in the rain, when you fall in love with her, tell her."

i would love a boy to do all of that for me. . .
it would make me melt inside.

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 20:19:22 GMT

LIQUIDiceCUBE28: the bigger they are, the harder they fall
hombredepoulet: and the harder they are to push over

. . .i am SO witty [:

read this. you'll be happy you did.

Mon, 13 Dec 2004 23:24:19 GMT

Hi.
First of all, you are fat. You are ugly. Your breath stinks. You are unpopular. Your car sucks. Your house sucks. Your life sucks.

You are not witty. You are not smart. You are ignorant. You are stupid. You will never make it in this world. You are unpopular. You will never amount to anything. You are nothing.

Your diet is poor. You have low self-esteem. You have cellulite. You have ugly toenails. You have blackheads. You have body hair where it just shouldn’t be. Your eyeballs are not white enough. Your teeth are not white enough.

Secondly, you are fat. You should go on a diet. You should eat more hamburgers. Your tits are not big enough. Your tits are too small. Your tits aren’t small enough or big enough. Your dick is too small. Your nose isn’t right. Your ass is too big. You should make yourself sick. You should eat more hamburgers.

Your dress sense sucks. You have no style. You are one of the crowd. You are a follower. You are a freak. You don’t fit in. You are a lah-hoo-ser. You have no charisma. You are not sexy enough. Your favorite band sucks. Your favorite brand sucks. Your clothes suck. Your shoes suck. You are retarded.

You don’t have enough money. You should work harder. You don’t have enough things. You are unhappy. You need more. You are unsatisfied. You are not moving forward. You are not keeping up the pace. You are lagging behind. You are one step behind the rest.

You are doing it all wrong. You need to change. You need to see that change is good. You need to follow us. You need to be individual. You need to fit in. You need to think outside the square. You need to stand out. You need to know the rules. You need to know the secrets. You should be yourself.

Thirdly, you are fat. Your legs wobble too much. Your teeth are crooked. Your face is wrong. You are not thin enough. You are too thin. You need to eat more hamburgers.

You are lactose intolerant. You are iron deficient. Your cholesterol is too high. Your calcium level is too low. Your blood pressure is too high. Your iron level is too low. You need to get liposuction. You need to lose weight. You suffer from premature ejaculation. You are far too dependant on drugs. You need to buy more drugs.

You are bipolar. You have attention deficit hyperactive disorder. You have post-traumatic stress disorder. You suffer from depression. You are manic. You are not happy enough. You suffer from road rage. You suffer split-personality disorders. You suffer marriage problems. You are not right. You need to buy more drugs.

You should stop smoking. You should buy more cigarettes. You should stop smoking. You will get cancer. You will die anyway. You should have fun. You shouldn’t have fun. You should be fashionable. You should keep ahead. You are lagging behind. You should be individual. You shouldn’t care about what you do. You are free. You should go your own way. You should follow us.

You watch too much television. You need to stay tuned. You are fat because you watch too much television. You should watch more television. You should be individual. You are going to be a star one day. You are nothing. You should eat more hamburgers. You should drink more syrup. You are too fat.

You should not be who you are. You have to change.

My name is Marketing. Now buy my fucking product.

Fri, 10 Dec 2004 06:13:36 GMT

Auto response from him: sleeping with leah, unfortunately its a long weekend and i'm gonna miss her

(: (: (:

Sat, 04 Dec 2004 06:07:22 GMT

Auto response from him: sleeping because i have a killer headache

it's all better though because leah put me to bed and i love her

(: (: (: (:

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 03:29:07 GMT

him : you are perfect
him : why can't you see that?

you know that feeling you get when you're upside down on a roller coaster? he makes me feel like that. i love it.

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 02:32:55 GMT

him: im madly in love with you because your so irresistable.
him: i think we should run away.
me: . . .are you serious?
him: of course.

*warm and fuzzies*</p>

Mon, 15 Nov 2004 23:39:52 GMT

Love and Sex With Your Friends by dannygrl0129
Username
Sex
Favorite Color
Love of your life:	xxkaylamaexx
Best sex of your life:	makexmexnew
Will make you come 1000 times:	emptychalkbox
Will break your heart:	msroboto
Best Kisser:	xxlestatxx
Best cuddler:	amkj690
You secretly dream of:	arodsucksjeter
But this person dreams of you:	singingscandal
Will handcuff you and screw you silly:	stickyspider

Quiz created with MemeGen!

that excited me.

Tue, 09 Nov 2004 00:06:15 GMT

him: everyone else was nothing compared to you

that made me feel so beyond special.

Mon, 08 Nov 2004 03:01:09 GMT

"Small simple safe price
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets
This is not a small cut that scabs and dries and flakes and heals
And I am not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to bleed and fuck and fight.
I want the pain of payment
What's left but a section of pigmy size cuts
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid
To fill, and spill over and under my thoughts
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart
Love is not like anything
Especially a fucking knife"

Fri, 22 Oct 2004 11:17:03 GMT

my left eye is crying. my right eye won't. i can't see straight.

i think i might be dying.

september never stays this cold where i come from, and you know, i'm not one for complaining.

haha.

Sun, 10 Oct 2004 03:20:48 GMT

hombre de poulet: she looks like she just had sex in this picture
hombre de poulet: bad sex.
LIQUIDiceCUBE28: delerious drunken sex...
LIQUIDiceCUBE28: oh wait, she always looks like that
LIQUIDiceCUBE28: BURN!

kendra was my influence :)

Thu, 07 Oct 2004 23:23:20 GMT

What is your name?: leah noelle shea
Are you named after anyone?: nope
What's your screen name?: hombredepoulet
Would you name a child of yours after you?: nope
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?: hot sex.
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?: tracey
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?: people think my name is pronounced lay or leigh
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?: i'd call myself leah noelle.

Basics

Your gender::female.
Straight/Gay/Bi: straight
Single?: taken.
Birthdate:: 10^29^89
Your age:: 14
Age you act:: older
Age you wish you were:: older
Your height:: lack there of
Eye color:: green
Happy with it?: yes
Hair color:: weird.
Happy with it?: no. i'm dying it.
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous: lefty.
Your living arrangement: alive.
Your family: die, riah, karly, mom, and dad
Have any pets?: smokie, my wicked awesome cat
Whats your job?: tutoring.
Piercings?: two holes per ear, plus gauges.
Tattoos?: eventually.
Obsessions?: not really.
Addictions?: a few.
Do you speak another language?: french, just not fluently, not yet.
Have a favorite quote?: there's a few
Do you have a webpage?: i have a deadjournal.

Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it

Do you live in the moment?: for the most part
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: not generally
Do you have any secrets?: a few
Do you hate yourself?: at times
Do you like your handwriting?: sometimes
Do you have any bad habits?: procrastination. lying.
What is the compliment you get from most people?: i'm really nice.
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: yes, she is that awesome.
What's your biggest fear?: losing my family and friends.
Can you sing?: generally.
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: no
What are your #1 priorities in life?: it live.
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: probably not.
Are you a daredevil?: not so much.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: a few key things.
Are you passive or agressive?: depends on the people i'm with
Do you have a journal?: deadjournal and my comp book.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: a few things
Do you think you are emotionally strong?: no.
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: yes.
Do you think life has been good so far?: for the most part.
What do you like the most about your body?: my eyes.
And least?: my fat
Do you think you are good looking?: i have my moments.
Are you confident?: no.
What is the fictional character you are most like?: someone told me i was alot like marla from fight club.
Are you perceived wrongly?: too many times.

Do You...

Smoke?: no
Do drugs?: no
Read the newspaper?: when i get the chance.
Pray?: sometimes.
Go to church?: yes.
Talk to strangers who IM you?: not generally.
Sleep with stuffed animals?: the bear named todd, the little red dog, and the bunny my mom made me
Take walks in the rain?: i love that.
Talk to people even though you hate them?: yes.
Drive?: i can. but don't.

Would or Have You Ever?

Liked your voice?: i don't
Been out of the country?: no
Eaten something that made other people sick?: no
Been in love?: twice
Done drugs?: no
Gone skinny dipping?: yes :)
Had a medical emergency?: i've had to be rushed to the hospital twice
Had surgery?: no
Ran away from home?: die did three times, but i never have.
Gotten beaten up?: i beat the shit out of this girl once.
Been picked on?: when i was fat.
Been on stage?: yeah.
Slept outdoors?: yeah.
Thought about suicide?: everyone has.
Pulled an all nighter?: chyeah
If yes, what is your record?: around thirty hours? with kdizzle, my love. :)
Gone one day without food?: yeah
Talked on the phone all night?: yeah
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?: yes
Slept all day?: once.
Killed someone?: no.
Made out with a stranger?: oh yeah, all the time ;)
Had sex with a stranger?: course ;)
Thought you're going crazy?: sometimes.
Been betrayed?: yes
Had a dream that came true?: no, well yes, in a way.
Broken the law?: yes.
Met a famous person?: matt teason (sp?) of relient k,
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: no. that would make me cry.
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: yes.
Stolen anything?: yes.
Been on radio/tv?: maybe?
Been in a mosh-pit?: yes.
Had a nervous breakdown?: no.
Had a dream that kept coming back?: it was about indiana jones.

Beliefs

Belive in life on other planets?: no
Miracles?: to an extent
Astrology?: no
Magic?: no
God?: yes
Satan?: he's there
Santa?: course ;)
Ghosts?: not really.
Luck?: sure.
Love at first sight?: not.
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?:no
Witches?: no.
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?: yes
Do you wish on stars?: yes

Deep Theological Questions

Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?: yes
Do you think God has a gender?: male.
Where do you think we go when we die?: Heaven or Hell

Friends

Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: yes
Who is your best friend?: i don't a specific best friend.
Who's the one person that knows most about you?: steve.
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: "don't let yourself dwell on things. you only get depressed." - steve
Your favourite inside joke?: wow. there's too many.
Thing you're picked on most about?: i say some really stupid things.
Who's your longest known friend?: kayla
Newest?: jared
Shyest?: my friends are too cool to be shy
Funniest?: kevin
Sweetest?: danielle
Closest?: the crew.
Weirdest?: david.
Smartest?: micky.
Ditziest?: probably kdawg or myself.
Friends you miss being close to the most?: steve
Last person you talked to online?: rachel
Who do you talk to most online?: jared.
Who are you on the phone with most?: kevin. or david.
Who do you trust most?: kevin or steve.
Who listens to your problems?: david and kdawg.
Who do you fight most with?: kevin.
Who's the nicest?: stacy and joanna are the nicest peope i've ever met.
Who's the most outgoing?: steve
Who's the best singer?: katelynn
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?: yes
Who's your second family?: steve's family or kevin's family.
Who's the loudest friend?: micky.
Do you trust others easily?: no. i don't trust most people.
Who's house were you last at?: we're always at my house.
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:: luis, david, kevin, steve.
Do your friends know you?: ...? hopefully.
Friend that lives farthest away:: halie.

Love and All That

Do you consider love a mistake?: no. that's retarded.
What do you find romantic?: random i love yous
Turn-on?: hair :)
Turn-off?: cockiness
First kiss?: gaby
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?: flattered
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going out: being friends first is way awesome.
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out: not really.
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive: yes.
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: sometimes?
What is best about the opposite sex?: i like being protected and taken care of
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: jealousy
What's the last present someone gave you?: no idea.

Who Was the Last Person...

That haunted you?: you.
You wanted to kill?: a few kids.
That you laughed at?: david.
That laughed at you?: luis.
You went shopping with?: die, gell, and katie.
That broke your heart?: steve.
To ask you out?: kevin.
To brighten up your day?: luis, kevin, and david. they all were randomly at my house when i got home today :)
That you thought about?: kendra
You saw a movie with?: uhm, kevin? when we saw princess diaries?
You talked to on the phone?: kevin.
You saw?: my dad. he's in the other room.
You lost?: i lost my mom at the wrentham outlets the other day

Right This Moment...

Are you going out?: no.
What are you wearing right now?: nikki's jeans, kayla's shirt, die's sweatshirt.
Body part you're touching right now: nothing.
What are you worried about right now?: i have a cavity :(
What book are you reading?: the pigman
What's on your mousepad?: the fleet bank logo
Are you bored?: yes
Are you tired?: tres
Are you talking to anyone online?: no
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?: no
Are you lonely or content?: lonely
Are you listening to music?: boys night out

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 07:01:53 GMT

why isn't anyone awake at three am?

i'm so lonely.

why suicide is not the answer

Mon, 30 Aug 2004 06:01:20 GMT

"Ask the 25-year-old who tried to electricute himself. He lived. But both his arms are gone.

What about jumping? Ask John. He used to be intelligent, with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he leapt from a building. Now, he's brain-damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He lives in a fog. But, worst of all, he KNOWS he used to be normal.

What about pills? Ask the 12-year-old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? You turn yellow. It's a hard way to go.

What about a gun? Ask the 24-year-old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm and has no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his "foolproof" suicide. You might too.

But... Who will clean your blood off the carpet or scrape your brains from the ceiling? Commercial cleaning companies may refuse that job--but SOMEONE has to do it.

Who will have to cut you down from where you hung yourself or identify your bloated body after you've drowned? Your father? Your mother? Your wife? Your son?

The carefully worded "loving" suicide note is of no help. Those who loved you will NEVER completely recover. They'll feel regret and an unending pain.

Suicide is contagious. Look around your family. Look closely at the 4 year old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and he may do it ten years from now.

You DO have other choices. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hotline. Call a friend. Call your minister or priest. Call a doctor or hospital. Call the police. They will tell you that there's hope. Maybe you'll find it in the mail tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend. But what you're seeking could be just a minute, a month, or a day away.

You say you don't want to be stopped? Still want to do it? -Well, then, I may see you in the psychiatric ward later. And we'll work with whatever you have left.

Remember: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. "

***IF YOURE READING THIS, PLEASE STEAL IT AND PUT IT IN YOUR JOURNAL TOO.***

i'm doing this because i can

Sat, 14 Aug 2004 21:42:32 GMT

pick 10 friends and write something about them withought their names. hey, try and figure out who you are. it's funner that way. or more fun?

1. you're awesome. and i love you. i dont think that i've ben as close with any other girl in my whole life than you. because iv'e known you since what, the first grade? way back when we'd play with beanie babies in your room because we were that cool. dee dot cee dot rocked it when we were there, because i mean really, we're just that two faced ;)

2. you are so fucking hyper. sometime we should share some of that medicine ;). punching me in the face and totally fucking up my nose, no worries man. :)

3. you're sick. but i dont get to see you enough. foxboro and attleboro are just too far away apparently. and due to your computer being just as dead as mine, i doubt you'll see this. but hey, it's the thought that counts.

4. kid, you're awesome at giving advice. and even though some people think that you're a little two faced, i trust you. you're an awesome kid. thanks for protecting me during the lost prophets, you're a sweetheart.

5. dude, i dont see you enough. you need to come to youth more often. im sure my baby, trixie, must miss me too. you better not sell her, or i'll beat your ass, if that's possible.

6. _ _ _ _ dizzle. that's enough said. oh, and we should definately do some more "shopping" soon :)

7. i just met you this summer, and i've decided that you're the shit. and it's pretty sad that we won't be seeing more of eachother. how are we going to raise that awesomely-cute baby we adopted if you never get your ass down here? i'll make it up to one of your shows eventually, sorry about missing this one :-/

8. you're a very interesting person. and even though you seem to have so much self hatred, i don't think that you're a bad person. you seem pretty cool to me. although, im not too sure that you particularly favor me at all.

9&10. oh man, i dont see the two of you enough. you girls are so nice and fun to be around. i doubt you'll guess who you are in the little survey thing. but you are two very awesome girls :) we should hang out more.

11. i almost forgot you! that's pretty sad. we've been awesomely close for the past two years, it sucks that you do so much pot though ;) you're one of my best friends. and i think that i should go to attleboro, because i dont want us to separate and such things. belt boy is such a sick nick name :)

oh i did elven. im just that sick. yeah, not really.

that wasn't as hard as i thought it might be.

Mon, 12 Jul 2004 13:17:44 GMT

you and me,
you know that we, we're always funny
in that car crash sort of way.
watch me bruise and bleed for you
i always knew that i'd end up dead today. . .today
so im going to tear down the sky
and all the dull stars tonight
so i can stay hidden and live in the black.
i hate being famous for my hits,
and never for my misses.
bloody kisses from poison lips,
leave lovers dead in ditches.
so, pass another round around for the kids
who hav nothing left to lose,
and for those souls old and sold out.
by the soles of my shoes
i never got to visit.
promise dont let me miss it.
promise dont let me miss it.

Thu, 08 Jul 2004 20:12:42 GMT